The Revenant: a few thoughts

• The Revenant: a 3 hour immersive masterclass in male grunting
• Man eats nothing but snow and roadkill for months and still looks like his 20y/o supermodel girlfriend is cooking him too many omelettes
• If Leo wins an Oscar for this I quit
• The best bit is when Leo spends the night in the horsetel
• The stamina to survive shown by Leo's character is nothing on the stamina required to sit through this film
• Tom Hardy should win the Oscar for best Matthew McConaughey impression in a Supporting Role
• Pocahontas was really good (SO glad they didn't deviate from the traditional representation of Native American women)
• They should've called it The Irrelevant

Thinking about these things is what got me through the last 20 minutes. Don't judge.... Unless it's this film.

fruit trees in bloom..

"The world is a den of thieves and night is falling. Evil breaks its chains and runs through the world like a mad dog. The poison affects us all. No one escapes, not even our children. So it shall be. Therefore let us be happy while we are happy. Let us be kind, generous, affectionate and good. It is necessary, and not at all shameful, to take pleasure in the little world. Good food, gentle smiles, fruit trees in bloom, waltzes."
— Ingmar Bergman

Fanny and Alexander (1982)

Obralem Dziemnaga

Polish-Australian wonder-brothers Jacek Koman & Tomek Koman with a very special guest star in a short film promoting the upcoming Melbourne International Film Festival.

No points for recognising the guest - whose pronunciation, in Polish, of "I peeled a potato" sounds something like "I beeled a bodado" - but kudos if you can name the band for which Jacek is the front-man.

I can't offend you more than I offend myself..

I’m feeling a lot of doubt, in myself as a person, as an actor, as a woman/girl/female (it doesn’t feel right referring to myself as a woman but that’s an issue I’ll have to leave for another day).
I wonder, all the time, so much so that it’s almost not worth mentioning, whether I’m deluding myself with this whole acting malarkey. But that inevitably leads to thoughts of whether I’m deluding myself with this whole life business.
Sometime in my past, somehow, I latched onto the idea of acting to give myself a purpose. And now, at 28 years old, I’m returning to the moment when that decision was made and once again asking, “what now?”
And so indeed, what now? If not an actor then what? A director? Well, that’s just as delusional as the so-called career I’ve already got. An Olympic equestrienne? Hah! A teacher? Where’s the bottle of cheap wine and sleeping pills please. A writer? Well we’re back to the impossibleness of the realm of the actor and director. So….
A prostitute? Financially lucrative but I’ve never been much good with men. And I have tiny breasts. A dog trainer? Wonderful fun but pays just enough to keep a small poodle in kibble for a couple of days with owner living in cardboard box. Hmm…. I’m drawing a blank. What else interests me? Retail sales manager? I can see my future now. Forty-five and dressed like a girl, telling some insecure brat that she looks ‘hot’.
What else? What else? Fucking God please tell me what else?!
I. Can. Not. Think. Of. Any. Other. Profession. That. I. Would. Be. Good. At.
What do I do? Starve myself to death to avoid my inevitable descent into middle-aged mediocrity? But I’ve already tried that and I’m bored with the self-indulgent narcissism it demands.
What would I be great at? I could watch DVDs for a living. Read books. Look up celebrities on the internet. Browse for weight-loss tips. Tan once a year. Do cryptic crosswords. Eat breakfast at a cafe everyday. Forget to call my parents. Stay up late. Download TV shows. Park illegally. Take mediocre photos and post them on my blog. Buy clothes. Buy cosmetics. Try to find the cure for acne. Eat my own weight in popcorn. Pick up other peoples rubbish while tsking audibly. Write down ideas for outfits I will never wear. Read Amazon book reviews for book I will never buy. Look up IMDb profiles for actors I have never heard of. Doubt myself. Doubt myself. Doubt myself.
I’m so exhausted with the thought of the meaning of the pursuit of fulfilment in life that I cannot even bring myself to think of a way to end this bitter diatri…

Edison Chen Sex Scandal Photos

Seeing as my previous post about the scandalous celebrity private-porno-party photos currently shocking Hong Kong has been so popular, I've decided to put my dignity in my pocket and post a link to the photos in question.
Please be aware that downloading these files is probably not legal, and that they are very explicit. From what I've heard. I, of course, haven't downloaded them.

The photos, featuring Edison Chen with a number of very famous (and supposedly virginal) starlets, were leaked to the public after some computer repairmen decided to get generous with the contents of Edison's hard drive.

"In the days after the release of the photos, Hong Kong police investigating the case tracked the source of the photos to a computer service center where Chen had taken his laptop for repairs. Police arrested eight employees of the service center in connection with the photo release since the discovery, and announced that they believed over 1,300 racy photos of celebrities had been stolen." MSNBC.


Sources: MSNBC

Edison Chen Sex Scandal

I've been reading about the Edison Chen sex scandal and am finding it highly amusing.
Over the past few weeks, several very explicit photos have surfaced on the net featuring Edison Chen in compromising positions with a number of famous Hong Kong actresses - Cecilia Cheung, Gillian Chung, Maggie Q - which has pretty much ruined these actors' careers. Allegedly, the photos were leaked after Edison took his Mac in for repairs and some forward-thinking techies copied his data and sold it for big bucks.
You may be asking yourself why I find this so interesting. Well, the truth is, I am a closet Hong Kong cinema fan and not only do I think Edison Chen is a bit of a dish, but I also rank Cecilia Cheung as one of my favourite actresses.
Seriously, these are really entertaining movies. If you've never seen any, ask me for a recommendation. Or better yet, come over and watch one from my private collection.

On the Train (from my iMate)

I'm on the train to work, and not only am I running late by one train (therefore 15 minutes), but I've got no make-up on save for my shiny sunscreen, and am wearing the old, square-framed sunnies I keep in the glovebox of my car because my good, round-framed sunnies are still lying somewhere at home. I also left my camera at home. Again. And my hair is half damp and therefore fuzzy from the shower. Not to mention the fact that I have foot powder on my leggings because I was in too much of a hurry to wipe it off, and my teeth are unbrushed. And in my mad rush from the car I left my jacket behind which, despite it being a sunny 25C day, I will miss later as I'm always unnecessarily cold.
And I didn't eat breakfast.

At least it's a public holiday so work will be quiet. And it's only a 5 hour shift. And I'm going to see Lucio Fulci's Zombie with Joe Dante's Piranha tonight at the Astor. So life isn't really all that bad.

UPDATE: Zombie was a little boresville* and doesn't seem to have aged very well as far as 70's horror films go. Piranha on the other hand was entertaining, full of blood, and quite funny, in an intentional, not 'this is so ridiculous' way (although it had plenty of that too). It was also a good source of unexpected fashion inspiration in the form of svelte young women sporting various combinations of high-waisted short shorts, wide leg dark denim jeans, plaited leather belts, knitted waistcoats, coloured bikinis and tight t-shirts. I'm now considering hiring out a bunch of old 70's movies and taking notes.

*boresville = snoretastic, dullsville, snooze-worthy.

Juno and Kimya Dawson

I just saw Juno (which, incidentally, is just as wonderful and funny as I thought it would be) and am now hooked on The Moldy Peaches and Kimya Dawson, who I'd never heard of before. Or so I thought.
After looking her up I found the song I Like Giants on the internet and realised it was the same song I'd heard on the radio 6 months before that I'd been trying to find ever since.

Sweet musical serendipity.


Juno sountrack on Amazon
Kimya Dawson's latest album on Amazon