Friday, February 13, 2009

On Men and Parallel Parking

I don’t get them.
And lately I’ve found myself more and more attracted to the kinds of men I’ve always reviled. The tattooed and the dirty and the drug addicted. Is this the after effect of a six-year relationship with a ‘nice guy’ (who, as it turns out, wasn’t so nice anyway)? Or is it a rebellion against my Eastern European, Catholic, clothes-freshly-washed-and-ironed upbringing? Whatever the reason, I find myself being inescapably drawn to the suggestion of a no-strings-attached liaison with a man who will expect nothing of me but simultaneously shower me with attention. “Fantasy!” I hear you say. Very possibly so, but a girl can dream can’t she? And by God I have been.
But dirty men aside, what I really don’t understand is the whole courting ritual. Once again I blame my LTR* for my complete lack of dating savvy but really, if a girl is interested, but not overly so, why must men make everything so complicated? Is it that they believe all women want to marry them? That every interested girl automatically thinks of nesting down? Because I can truthfully say that in my case this isn’t so. So why the hot and the cold? The on and the off? The furtive glances across a crowded room and the arrogant attitude? I mean for God’s sake (should I believe in him, which I’m not sure anymore that I do), just tell us what you want and be done with it. But I guess that’s asking too much. After all, I have a 6-month-old secret crush that I express by being openly rude and hostile, so what can I really expect in return? And, deep down, at the very core of my subconscious mind, I don’t actually believe that any man is really capable of loving one woman for the term of his natural life, nor that he really wants anything more than sex, so what am I getting so upset about anyway? If only I could, a) become emotionally self-sufficient and actually stick to my resolve for more than a day; and b) train myself not to view every man through the relationship filter left for me by my parents.
If only.
But if I am to be completely honest - and I always am with you, my reader - what I really want, really truly want, is someone to be nice to me and make me cups of tea and kiss me on the forehead and hug me when I have a bad day and come to me with their sorrows and tell me jokes that aren’t funny and buy me clothes I’ll never wear and speak to me in languages I don’t understand and wave their smelly socks in my face and be impressed by my parallel parking and play with my dog even when I’m not around to see it and watch disgusting zombie films with me and listen to me talk about books they’ll never read and show me work of theirs I don’t care about but will pretend to anyway and, and, and… make me feel like their day is that much better for having had me exist in it.
Is that so much to ask for?
Is it?

*LTR - Long Term Relationship


Doug said...

I am very sorry because I am that man, but sadly, I am taken.

Except that I drink tea and not coffee. And my socks aren't smelly, but my farts are. And my jokes are funny and I'm sure I would insist that I drive so I'd never get to see you park.

Well, maybe I'm not your man.

Miss Kaye said...

A big thankyou from me for reminding me how very grateful I am for having found that man.

Anonymous said...

I wish you would post more often.

Anonymous said...

I have to get at it you for writting this LOL...

First MEN are excellent at parallel parking!

Look babygirl it comes down to this you say u want a man thats this and that but honestly your attraction for these "dirty guys" is in your gut feelin.

I'm gonna break it down to you like this... If you ask most women what they "want" in a man, they'll say, "Oh, I
want a nice, honest, thoughtful guy who can communicate well..." But
truth is, this IS what most women THINK they0 "want". But, there's a BIG
difference between what you women "want" and what makes you women feel.

Look there aint no logic in attraction, "nice guys" are what you think is husband material so you might settle down with a "nice guy" but in your heart you have a fantasy for men who can trigger your emmotions like a wildfire. Us men who are considred "dirty", "playas", or "bad boys" offer women like you an imagination that gets you on a deeper level but in your heart you know you'll never tame and can settle down with men like us so you THINK you want a nice looking guy who will give you hugs and make you tea. But sorry sweetheart get back to reality stop lying to yourself LIVE YOUR LIFE!


L said...


Seriously, God made this site for girls like us love. Ok maybe not God, but someone really smart. Make a profile damnit. It takes less time than writing this blog, and it's free. And if you're bored it doubles as comic relief. Fo' Sho'. Step up to get yo' rep up........

Anonymous said...

'Step up to get your rep up?'
Are you for real? bwahahahahahahaha...
There is nothing wrong with questioning the motifs of the opposite sex or yourself - its normal and healthy. It's also part of being an artist.

Sharky said...

Don't blame your parents, blame nature. Men & women are not "commited" by nature. It's a choice, and while it can be done, over time marriages usually become more like brother & sister realtionship than a passionate & romantic 1, w/ all the sibbling rivalry that goes along w/ it. The husband usually treats the wife like $h!t, yet...alot of women who fantasize about marriage have this fantasy that is based on hollywood, not reality. Maybe you're attracted to "dirty" men now b/c you had it w/ these FAKE nice guys who pretend to be 1 thing, but are really another. Maybe deep down what attracts you is their honesty b/c you think "well at least they admit what they are". Most men are selfish, and even the nice guys, you usually find are compleate @$$holes once they think they've won you over. If you want some1 really nice who'll stay that way & not do a 180 you, who you can commit too, you'll probably have to become a lesbian b/c men, in all honesty, (in general) are usually egotistical selfish @$$holes. If you don't want to do that, you can just accept the fact that, while men may be fun for a f#ck, they're not really good for much else, and they'll never live up to hollywood's expectations, or even seemingly plausable mediocore expectations at that. Fact is, a "nice guy" usually isn't even as nice, or moral, as a b!tchy women. Sex is all they're really good for...if that.