On a Perfect Day in Retail

To the customer who looks at EVERY item on EVERY rack, spending 25 minutes in my 10-square-metres of store space without choosing a single item while I'm stuck looking attentive behind the counter waiting for her to leave, I say:
"This isn't a library!"

To the chinese girl who brings a pair of earrings to the counter and says, "I take the earring", I say:
"You don't want the other one?"

To the woman who knocks on my CLOSED door at 5 past 6 and waves me over after I've mouthed quite clearly that we're closed, I say:
"Do you want to buy something? Do you want to give me some money? No? Then why are we having this conversation?"

To the customer who comes out of the changeroom and dumps a giant ball of inside-out, scrunched up clothing on my counter before leaving I say:
"What am I, your maid?"

To the business woman who can't be bothered bending over to try on a pair of shoes but rather prefers to mash her heel against the leather, I say:
"WOMAN. For GOD'S SAKE. BEND OVER and use your finger."

To the middle aged woman who responds to my "How are you today?" with a "Just looking", I say:
"Hmm, maybe you should get that checked out. I don't know what juslooking is but it sounds nasty."

To the overweight teenager who comes out of the changeroom stretching and pulling at a top that's too small and complaining "It doesn't fit right. My boobs are too big for it", I say:
"Honey, it's not your BOOBS, it's your whole BODY that's too big".

Afterword

Street style - Centre Place

This girl was tiny but absolutely gorgeous; the photo doesn't do her justice. Nothing she was wearing appeared to be from any particular label and certainly not chain-store . The front of the jacket (bought in Barcelona) was embroidered in matching coloured thread and the bag was a wonderful rich blue in canvas with leather. Her shoes were vintage as was her jewelery. This is the sort of outfit I see on dozens of girls every day but the difference here is that it didn't look 'off the rack' but thoughtfully put together.

Street style - Simplicity

Street style - Swanston St

Street style - Harajuku via Fitzroy

You can't quite see it in the photo but the colour of the notebook she is holding perfectly matches her bag and the lower rims of her eyes are lined with the most intense glittery eyeshadow.
She was quite the head-turner.

Street style - Collins St

Street style - Thanks to the Winkle Pickers

Street style - Brunswick St boys

Amazing things Not Yet Invented

This morning, sitting on the edge of my bed putting my shoes on, I heard the voice of my boyfriend, half-asleep from under the covers say,
"Someone should invent butt mints so that when you fart it smells minty and fresh. And it could work as an air deodorizer".
Setting aside for a moment the absurdity of the situation in which this was said, I have to admit that it's not a bad idea.

Covert blogging from the SBS studio

Forgive me my absence. I've been full of imaginary blog entries that I've been unable to make and it's been frustrating. But I was most touched to find the following message in my inbox the other day:

"i don't want to sound like a stalker (although i guess i possibly am) but i have been checking your blog everyday and stressing that there were no new posts since march 17. i made jake walk past your work today to see if you were in there and interrorgate you over your lack of bloggingness, but alas, you were nowhere to be seen. then i thought you were sick or worse dead.
luckily when i returned home and turned on my laptop, i found your latest and also the reason as to why you hadn't blogged.
my anxiety has gone!
sincerely,
your number one fan
pee ess. i have my 17 year old sister addicted to it also

Thankfully the ADSL-man is on his way and I have a lovely backlog of Street Style photos to upload so the natural balance will resume soon.