Thursday, April 24, 2008

On a Perfect Day in Retail

To the customer who looks at EVERY item on EVERY rack, spending 25 minutes in my 10-square-metres of store space without choosing a single item while I'm stuck looking attentive behind the counter waiting for her to leave, I say:
"This isn't a library!"

To the chinese girl who brings a pair of earrings to the counter and says, "I take the earring", I say:
"You don't want the other one?"

To the woman who knocks on my CLOSED door at 5 past 6 and waves me over after I've mouthed quite clearly that we're closed, I say:
"Do you want to buy something? Do you want to give me some money? No? Then why are we having this conversation?"

To the customer who comes out of the changeroom and dumps a giant ball of inside-out, scrunched up clothing on my counter before leaving I say:
"What am I, your maid?"

To the business woman who can't be bothered bending over to try on a pair of shoes but rather prefers to mash her heel against the leather, I say:
"WOMAN. For GOD'S SAKE. BEND OVER and use your finger."

To the middle aged woman who responds to my "How are you today?" with a "Just looking", I say:
"Hmm, maybe you should get that checked out. I don't know what juslooking is but it sounds nasty."

To the overweight teenager who comes out of the changeroom stretching and pulling at a top that's too small and complaining "It doesn't fit right. My boobs are too big for it", I say:
"Honey, it's not your BOOBS, it's your whole BODY that's too big".

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

To the customer who looks at EVERY item on EVERY rack, spending 25 minutes in my 10-square-metres of store space without choosing a single item while I'm stuck looking attentive behind the counter waiting for her to leave, I say:
"This isn't a library!"

THAT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. BIG DEAL.
MAYBE THEY DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY AND JUST LIKE LOOKING AT CLOTHES.

feed the girl said...

Yes, quite probably. But mind you, I'm not referring to the 'casual browser'. I've no qualms with that; I'm one myself. But the animal I'm referring to is another breed entirely. These creatures literally pick over every single item, and not in that "I'm looking for something specific" way.
But of course I'd never say anything. I smile politely. But on that perfect day...

Anonymous said...

To the retail bitch who whinges about her potential customers... I say... hey without us annoying shoppers you wouldn't have a job lady!

Thanks for being so helpful, you'll get no commission from me...

Love "one size does not fit all". At least my food stays down...

Anonymous said...

To the retail bitch who whinges about her potential customers... I say... hey without us annoying shoppers you wouldn't have a job lady!

Thanks for being so helpful, you'll get no commission from me...

Love "one size does not fit all". At least my food stays down...

Anonymous said...

a few months ago you came into my shop and were anything but pleasant. everyone has their bad days, sure, but a retail experience is a two way street.